Hate crimes against UU's

The shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church this past Sunday by an enraged gunman strikes me as nothing short of a hate crime. His motive, according to the news reports, was that he was angry at liberals in general and specifically targeted a Unitarian Universalist Church for its progressive views on gay marriage and other issues. This leaves me wondering how vulnerable other UU churches are against other enraged conservatives who feel that they ought to target our congregations because of our progressive views on some obvious "hot-button" issues. It also makes me wonder whether this gunman was an avid listener to such conservative screeds as Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh and Michael Savage. There are still people who listen to that crap and it angers me that they take it seriously when it's just nothing more than spewing hate and intolerance. There is no place in this country for that kind of thinking, and yes, I will be the first to defend the First Amendment right to free speech in this country, but if it leads to harming others, I have to wonder about the validity of letting people spew hate talk and putting others at risk by so doing. We are living in what by all appearances is a deeply divided society, split by extremes in conservative and liberal views, but then again, those are the people who typically talk the loudest and get their voices heard, whereas the moderates on both sides are typically drowned out by it all. I think that it's safe to say that this kind of talk is the fault of the Bush administration, whose follies have so deeply divided us as to make it tough to bridge the divide and allow us to speak calmly to people of opposing views without shouting them down. I really wonder for the future of this country that has been so ravaged and damaged by this 8 years of hell under Bush. Religion is now becoming a dividing point, too, as has been pointed out by this recent hate crime against UU's. It demonstrates intolerance for a faith of progressive social views that has made tolerance one of its pillars of our faith. I fear for the safety of our UU brethren in the conservative South who are nestled in the heart of the Bible Belt among practitioners of more conservative faiths that fail to demonstrate peace and tolerance even though that is supposedly the Biblical message of Christianity. I even fear for UU's everywhere now that one madman has opened fire in a UU church and killed and wounded people. Typically, these kinds of things lead to copycat crimes and now I wonder if the Unitarian Universalist faith has a target on its back and must be more wary of who walks through its doors on Sunday mornings. As a Unitarian Universalist, I feel like I'm a walking target if I say what my religion is. I can always say that I am a Roman Catholic, which is the faith in which I was raised, but then, there are still a fair number of anti-papists out there who hate Catholics, too. So what are we UU's to do, when asked what church we go to? Do we put ourselves at risk and mention which congregation we belong to, or do we remain silent and just say, "None of your business"? It's a sad day when you feel as if you're putting yourself at risk by practicing Unitarian Universalism, a faith of peace, tolerance and social justice. Too bad others can't act more like real Christians instead of some intolerant strain of fundamentalism.

Still cast bound.....

On May 22nd, I was put into an air cast by my orthopaedic surgeon as a result of a nasty Achilles tendon injury. I was warned at the time that I could well spend many months having to wear my cast, and it seems that this prognostication has come true. I am still wearing it 24/7 and will be at least until I see the doctor again on September 16th, at which time I will be evaluated for possible surgery to lengthen my tendon, which is too tight, according to the doctor. I don't know if I will have to have surgery or not, but in the meantime, this means that I will have spent the entire summer in a cast - not exactly what I had in mind, but I have come to a calm acceptance of this whole affair and I've come not to mind it so much. Since there's nothing I can do about it anyway, I really don't think it would do me much good to sit and feel sorry for myself over it. I was given fair warning and I figured then that what the doctor told me was in earnest and that I would spend the entire summer cast-bound. At least I can remove it to drive and bathe, but other than that, it has to stay on the rest of the time. Sure, it's hot, especially because I wear a heavy wool sock inside my cast (yes, even on those 90+ degree days!), but that keeps the cast from chafing my skin and since it's wool, it breathes. I started out wearing a fleece sock inside my cast, but found that too hot because it's polyester and doesn't breathe well, so I switched to wool instead. It does a nice job of cushioning inside and it's not as uncomfortable as people might think. If I have surgery, I will be wearing this cast for yet another two months, meaning that I will have spent the better part of the latter half of the year in a cast. In fact, I've gotten so used to wearing it now that I am wondering what it's going to be like when it finally comes off and I can wear normal shoes again. It's going to feel mighty weird, I can imagine. I'm prepared for the possibility of surgery and another two months in the cast, but if that doesn't end up happening, I will be out of the cast in September and back to wearing both of my shoes again and spending the rest of my days doing a physical therapy regimen that I must follow for the rest of my life. It's all stuff I can do at home, some simple stretches that I can do by myself several times a day, but the doctor says I absolutely have to do this for the rest of my life, period, no ands, ifs or buts about it. Having two legs of different lengths necessitates this PT regimen that I must follow, so it's yet another complication of a long ago accident that has reared its ugly head in my middle age. I keep wondering how many other complications of said accident are going to occur as I age. Already I've had numerous knee problems that have sent me to PT and now this Achilles problem has appeared and not only sent me to PT for 6 weeks, but put me in a cast for the entire summer and beyond. But as I said, the only way to face this is a calm acceptance of it and I have been there almost from Day One. I'm alright with it because I know that it's helping my tendon to rest and heal and if surgery keeps me in it until well into the autumn months, so be it. I can live with that fact. Hopefully, that won't come to pass, but if it does, I'm prepared for it.

And now comes the hard part...

Each year, I come home from Augusta exhausted and not feeling particularly motivated to make another road trip. And now that the Pennsic War has been moved to start on the day I come home from Augusta, it's even harder to get the motivation to come home, unpack and then re-pack right and take another road trip right away. I'm going to try to get some of that started this afternoon and maybe if I get lucky, I'll go out tonight or tomorrow morning sometime. I just wonder how many people will be there to help with set-up, which can be very time consuming and exhausting, and given that I'm still in an air cast until mid-September at the earliest, it's going to be tough for me to be of much help doing some of the heavier jobs that are normally done by those who won't be showing up this year. I have to wonder how many people will show up, given gas prices and other things that have been hard on all of us in recent months. I just hope that there will be enough people to where camp can get set up in a reasonable amount of time. It usually takes about five days to complete camp set-up and in that time, we rarely get to leave camp to just roam around and see friends. We also normally wear our regular street clothes of T-shirts and jeans while we do the heavy work, but what bothers me is how many people stay in their street clothes while in camp and then when they go out, they change into garb, but then change right back into jeans and T-shirts the minute they're back in camp again. It really ruins the atmosphere for me if people insist on only wearing garb if they are leaving camp and if they aren't, they stay in their street clothes. I sweat out wearing garb even if it's a hot day. I have nice light stuff that is cool and comfortable to wear even on very warm days, and I pull my hair up in braids or some other way to get it up and off my neck. But people will do what they will, and I can't convince them to stay in their garb when they are in camp, so, I guess if they want to run around in shorts and tank tops in camp, I can't do anything to stop them from so doing if that is how they want to spend most of their vacation, acting like it's a regular 21st century camp-out where you occasionally dress up in period clothing. So, anyway, I am trying like hell to find the motivation to start packing and get some things done here around the house. I just need to muster the stamina to get started. I'm unpacked from Augusta but laundry still must get done and then packing started in earnest. Guess I'd best get started sometime today if I am to get out there in the next day or so. I just hope that folks understand that I'm a bit slowed by the air cast and can't maybe do some of the heavier tasks around camp but I can still be of a great deal of help doing smaller jobs that don't require a lot of lifting heavy things and moving stuff around a lot. So, here it is, nearly 4:00 in the afternoon and the day's a-wasting. Time to go down the basement and get the plastic crates that everything goes in to War and start studying my packing list to see what all I can get done today with what time is left in the day before I get too tired and want to hit the hay. I hope to be out of here no later than tomorrow afternoon. At least that's a goal I am setting for myself. Let's see if I can accomplish that!

Home again, briefly

I have returned from Irish Week at the Augusta Heritage Center at Davis & Elkins College in Elkins, WV. Naturally, I am exhausted from so much walking (in an air cast, to boot!) and from staying up way too late at night singing at the nightly "seisiúns" that take place each evening. Unlike previous years, not too many people came to the singing sessions and as a result, they were far more intimate, as they should be. Still, I was lucky if I was able to get one song in. There seems to be a desire to hear the best singers with the best songs and I have long lacked for confidence in singing around such talent. I also don't think I have the best voice and I positively cannot remember song lyrics without them in front of me. You're supposed to sing by heart, but I don't sing enough as it is to be able to do that. I always come home wishing that there were a local singing session that I could attend on a regular basis in order to be able to do some regular singing so that I might have a chance to start memorizing some songs and collecting new ones as well. But unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be anything on the par of the Augusta nightly sessions that we have, so I will just have to start singing for and by myself when I'm not so tired that my sole desire is to just lie down and sleep, as I do most evenings after work. Sure, I was tired most of the day every day at Augusta, since that's the norm for most of us, but still, I did find some energy to stay up and sing, although this time, my nights were punctuated by regularly falling asleep during the sessions from the sheer fatigue of limping around in my air cast. People bent over backward to help me, though, giving me rides up the hill to my dorm on a regular basis when I was struggling to make the long trip from the lower campus area. I also made new friends, a lovely couple from Jacksonville, FL named Ty and Marguerite and their two children Seamus and Fiona. Marguerite was born in Ireland but is just now wanting to learn Irish songs because she doesn't know any, so I gave her some good sources for finding them, and her daughter Fiona wants to start singing as well. So next year, I fully expect to see them there with a good repertoire of songs. Marguerite and I are planning to stay in regular touch by phone and e-mail as she wants me to teach her some of the songs I know.

That is the great thing about Augusta - not only seeing your old friends, but making new ones. I've made lifelong friends there who I regularly stay in touch with. You start out strangers but rapidly become good friends in the space of one short week. There is something about the environment that seems to encourage that sort of thing. The campus is very small and the entire venue is very tight and compact and it allows you to walk everywhere and not ever need your car. So you end up seeing the same people day in, day out, either in your class or in the cafeteria. So before you know it, you've got new friends who rapidly become old ones year in, year out. And that's very special to me. Sure, I may only see these same friends once a year for a week, but I regard them as my "Augusta family". Sadly, a number of the old "Irish Week regulars" did not make it this year - Peg, Jeff, Candy, Bob and a few others did not come, and some of the regular instructors didn't come this year, either. They mostly brought in the instructors from the west part of Ireland, but given our economy right now, I don't think that was such a wise idea, frankly. The weak dollar combined with record high fuel prices made such a decision rather impractical when they could just as well have brought in people from the East Coast around the Washington-Baltimore, Boston, New York and Philadelphia areas which are teeming with Irish and Irish-American musicians. When Mick Moloney was the Irish Week coordinator (he retired from that job a few years ago now), his philosophy was to showcase the American and Irish born American musicians to demonstrate the Irish-American connection. Joanie Madden, the new Irish Week coordinator, seems to think that bringing in the real deal, musicians who are Irish who still live in Ireland, is the way to go, but that's very expensive and not terribly practical. But oh, well, we still got some very good musicians and dancers despite the expense. And as usual, I had a ball, so it was all worth it to go and I plan to return again next year at the same time. After all, it's just not summer without my annual trip to Elkins and to Irish Week.

Don't know when this blog will return - depends on when I leave for the Pennsic War, which could happen anywhere from tomorrow to sometime in the next few days, so keep checking back to see if I've written anything! If not, this blog will return on August 10th. Till then, stay cool and enjoy the next few weeks!

I'm outta here......(on vacation, that is)

Early tomorrow morning, I am leaving on the first leg of my three week vacation. First stop, Irish Week at the Augusta Heritage Center at Davis & Elkins College in Elkins, WV, nestled in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains. I am so looking forward to seeing my friends again, who I hope show up as they do each year - Jim, Jeff, Peggy, Candy, Bob, Dan, Kathy, Karen and all the rest of the "Augusta Regulars" who've made their way down to Elkins every summer. It's going to be odd without some of the regular instructors like Declan Forde, Mick Mulkerrin, Jim Keene, Bridget Fitzgerald and some of the others who've been there every summer, but I guess with the change of management, there is also a change in staff. Fortunately, my regular instructor, Robbie O'Connell, is still coming, so at least there is some continuity for me. I just wonder how much gas prices are going to affect attendance. I remember when it was nothing for Irish Week to be the biggest week of all of their summer workshops, regularly attracting 400+ people, many of whom got caught up in the Irish Dance craze fueled by Michael Flatley and Riverdance. But now that the dance craze has faded, Irish Week seems to have dwindled in attendance, last year not even hitting the 200 mark. I suppose high gas prices are also going to keep numbers down this year, as those who regularly used to drive ridiculous distances to come to Augusta will probably not be there, as even flying is getting very costly due to high fuel prices, so I'm not expecting a huge crowd this year. In some ways, it's kind of nice that we've returned to some of the intimacy of past years with smaller numbers, but still, it was nice to have large crowds and great "craic" at the sessions at night. And that's another thing that's changed - the sessions aren't as high energy as they once were and they die out far earlier in the evenings than they once did, when it was not uncommon for them to go well into the wee hours of the morning. Maybe it's just that we're all getting older and more sedate. I don't know. But I do hope to have a good time this year, despite all the medical issues that have put a damper on my spring and summer.
The next leg of my vacation will be spent at the annual Pennsic War, an event that is put on by the Society for Creative Anachronism every year in Western Pennsylvania. In years past, it has attracted some 15,000 mediaevalists from around the world and we live in a mediaeval city of over 10,000 people for two weeks in the hills of Pennsylvania, but again, due to high gas prices, I am not expecting that the numbers this year will go much over 10,000, if even that much. I wouldn't mind a smaller event, quite frankly, even though large numbers make for a lot of fun and atmosphere, but it can get overwhelming at times. Still, I always look forward to a good time when I get there, even though there is never enough time to spend with friends, many of whom I have known for decades and who have moved great distances away. Pennsic is my only opportunity to spend with some of my friends and I relish any time that I can squeeze in to see them. Some of my friends have already told me that gas prices are keeping them home this year, sadly, so I will not see them. I suspect that this is going to be the case with a lot of SCA events in the future if gas prices continue their meteoric rise. I've noticed a significant drop in numbers at events in recent years as gas prices have risen exponentially, and I think that this is going to eventually affect the way we play the game. There will be a lot more emphasis on local groups and local activities instead of big regional and Kingdom events. There will still be those big events each year, but fewer people come to them because of distance and expense, and more people are choosing just to participate on the local level as opposed to the Regional or Kingdom level. I know that I've had to scale back my ambitions where those things are concerned due to high gas prices. I don't go to as many events anymore and concentrate on only going to local ones that I can day trip. I just can't travel long distances anymore because it's gotten too expensive for me to do so. So these two trips, Augusta and Pennsic, are going to be my only significant travel for a good long while. Gas prices are going to have to come down a lot more before I ever think of driving long distances again.

So this blog will be on vacation until August 10th, when I return from my travels. If I have time, I may add an entry when I come home from Augusta next weekend, but it all depends on how much energy I have. Until I write again, au revoire, mes amis!

Run down, worn out and tired

After what has been most decidedly a very stressful and exhausting year, I am feeling just a touch of depression even though I take an anti-depressant medication. I think I'm just run down, worn out and tired and the fact that I haven't had any significant time off since Christmas hasn't helped a lot, either. It's been a trying year for my health and compounded by financial woes, it's not made anything any easier to deal with lately. I'm so hoping that this upcoming vacation will be just the tonic I need to get me over these feelings and will inject back into me some good feelings that I am badly in need of. I have to wonder if my recent feelings of fatigue, malaise and disinterest in keeping house are due in part to the way I've felt emotionally of late. I seem to always feel so tired and run down and I suspect that this is just a symptom of some mild depression that has overcome me of late that I need to deal with. I guess it's just the feeling of being powerless to deal with things that are completely out of my control - the ridiculous costs of fuel, food and medical care, and the knowledge that Washington has been so paralyzed by partisan bickering that nothing is bound to get done about any of this any time soon. You can call or write legislators but it's a known fact that the red-blue gap in Washington will probably not be bridged for a very long time and nothing is going to be accomplished until there is some bipartisanship to solve problems instead of trying to score political points at the other party's expense. I think that work is also wearing me down just a bit. People have been in a decidely snippy mood all summer and I think it's because we're all tired and run down from staff medical leaves and vacations and having to pick up extra workloads as a result. It's a tough time of year because we all want vacation time during the summer and it's a real juggle to fill workloads when people go away for a while. I feel slightly guilty because I am going on vacation for three weeks starting next week and I know that people probably resent me for it, but hey, I've more than earned this over the past year and I really need the time off. I'm exhausted and feeling vaguely cranky as a result and I just need a battery recharge away from here to get me back on my emotional feet again. I just hope that this upcoming vacation will accomplish just that and not leave me feeling even more exhausted and drained. That is the last thing I need right now. I just need to be with friends who understand me and what I've been going through. I need to feel as if there is still something deep down inside of me that I can tap on to regenerate my usually dormant creative juices. I need to feel as if there is a reason to do all of this and to accomplish something useful. I guess you could say that right now, I just feel burned out and need to be away from familiar surroundings and in a place that I feel things that I can't feel anywhere else. The only drawback is the post-vacation letdown and the return to the usual grind. That's perhaps the toughest part of all. And the part I least look forward to after a good long rest like this. But for now, I have three long weeks of down time to look forward to, so I may as well just perk up and get myself ready for what will hopefully be a very desperately needed vacation and a good time on top of it all. I hope.

MEINE LIEBE SCHWESTER AUS DEUTSCHLAND

Pictured to the left are my sister Emily, her husband Chris and their two daughters, Katina, age 15, and Elena, age 13. They live in Erding, Germany, where this picture was taken, and my sister has made her home there for nearly 20 years now. I wish she lived closer and that I could see her more often, but she did make a very brief visit to the US to attend her 30th High School reunion recently, having just returned home to her family this week. Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I would have hoped, as she always has a busy social life when returning home to the States. She has many friends with whom she wants to spend time and I totally understand that. I'd probably be much the same way if I were in her shoes. Still, it gets tough feeling as if I almost have to make an appointment to get time with her whenever she visits, particularly if it's as short a visit as this most recent one, which for once did not coincide with one of my vacations in late summer that take me out of state. I miss her more than words can say, and yes, I can e-mail and call her from time to time, but it's not the same as being in the same room sitting and talking to her. We're both the middle children of our family and as such, I always felt a sort of protectiveness toward her since she's the next one born after me, almost 3 years to the day. Our birthdays are one week apart, hers being the later one in the month, and so I kind of regarded her as my late 3rd birthday present growing up, a baby sister for whom I could protect and defend against all comers. Now she has the unenviable task of raising teenage daughters, who are naturally going through the usual adolescent angst that comes with being that age. You're not an adult yet, but you're hardly a child, either. There is that urge to break free from parental controls and test your own wings, and yet you're not quite mature enough to make adult decisions about certain things, either. I have every confidence that my nieces will survive this trying time in their lives and turn out to be fabulously successful young women who have already shown signs of blossoming into real beauties that will doubtless attract many young men eager to court them. I do hope that someday they will marry and bear children, because they are, after all, the only carriers of our father and mother's genetic line, since none of the rest of us married (well, except for my elder sister's brief and sadly unsucessful marriage to a fellow artist that fell apart after seven years together) or had kids. Sometimes I regret my decision to stay single, but it wasn't for lack of trying. I just never found "Mr. Right" that was my other half, that's all. I would have loved to have had children and been a mother, but that wasn't fated to be, sadly. And now I am 51 and I see in my nieces all the positive signs that they are bright, beautiful, talented children who will make my sister and her husband proud as they grow into their adult years and decide the future courses of their lives. I'm proud of my sister for having two lovely children who have enhanced our family by their existence. I just wish that they lived closer so that I could be more involved in their lives, but alas, that wasn't fated to be, either. Ah, well, there's always the mail and good old fashioned letter writing......

Country roads, take me home....

...to the place I belong, West Virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country roads! I'm headed off to my favorite place, the blue-green mountains of West Virginia, in the early morning hours of this coming Sunday, to attend the Irish Week workshops of the Augusta Heritage Center at Davis and Elkins College in Elkins, West Virginia. Thanks to my beloved family, who are giving me $300 to help me go, I will be able to attend after all and still be relatively financially solvent. I've agonized over this whole thing as this month has ticked by, day by day, with no real sure idea of whether or not I was going to be able to go. Being something of a minor control freak as I am, I always want to feel in complete control of my life and when I feel as if I am somehow not in complete control of my destiny and feel sometimes victimized by circumstances beyond my control, it makes me crazy and causes me a lot of undue stress. I need this vacation break in the worst way as it is and to finally know that I will be able to go and not break the bank in so doing takes so much pressure off of me. I haven't had a week off since December and I am feeling pretty tired and worn out as a result and need this break from reality. Being the hard core news junkie that I am, it's exhausting daily digesting tons of news and editorials that I do day in, day out. So much information to try to make sense of, so much to think about, so much to worry about and to try to put into perspective, it can mentally wear me out in a very big hurry, and one of the luxuries of going to Augusta is that there are no TV's, newspapers, radios or Internet to distract me from what I love doing, and that is making music with the best people I know of. It mentally, emotionally and intellectually stimulates me and refreshes my news weary soul by giving me a much needed break from it all. I always joke that they could drop a nuke on New York City and I wouldn't know of it because I was too busy making music, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes, you just need that break from all the bad news that is trumpeted by all of our media that can so depress you as to make you feel as if you don't even want to get out of bed in the morning to face another day of it. Well, when I'm on vacation, I'm not facing it at all, and that comes as a real relief and a break from the "weltschmerz" I often feel creeping over me on any given day. (In case you don't speak German, that word means "world pain" - gotta love those Germans for their oh, so descriptive words!) So anyway, I'm off at first light on Sunday morning to head east and south to West Virginia's scenic mountain country for some desperately needed R&R and a week long immersion into some lively Irish music, language, dance and culture. Sigh.....I can breathe easy now.

THE FOOT BONE'S CONNECTED TO THE ANKLE BONE....

It seems that these days, there are almost no more generalist doctors in any of the specialized fields. I can now say in all honesty that I have three, count 'em, three orthopaedic specialists, one for hands and arms, one for knees and hips, and one for ankles and feet. Dr. Mineo is my knee and hip specialist, Dr. Njus is my hand and arm specialist, and now Dr. Bennett is my foot and ankle specialist. Whatever happened to generalized orthopaedic surgeons that did it all? Is it any wonder that health care costs are so bloody high, with so many subspecialists within specialties? Yesterday I saw Dr. Bennett, my new foot and ankle specialist (who I really like!) about my injured Achilles tendon. I was sent to him by Dr. Mineo for evaluation for possible surgery, owing to still being in pain after six weeks of PT and six weeks in an air cast. The good news is that I do not need surgery, just a good rigorous stretching program that I can do myself at home. If, after 8 weeks of this, I still haven't loosened my tight hamstring and Achilles, then I will need surgery to lengthen the Achilles tendon. I don't anticipate that such a thing will be necessary unless I just can't loosen up no matter what, but I know that I've been relatively successful in the past doing stretching exercises for other parts of my body, so if I devote myself to this regimen and do exactly as the doctor says, I should be out of my air cast in another two months, when I see Dr. Bennett again, and feeling a whole lot better. Sure, it means having to spend the rest of the summer in a cast - not exactly the way I envisioned spending my summer - but I suppose it could be worse. Soft tissues injuries are always worse than a broken bone because they take longer to heal, especially the older we get. So at least I got a reprieve from surgery, at least for the time being, and a PT regimen that I can do by myself at home and at work that won't cost me any money to do. I am so much more relaxed now knowing that my vacation will happen after all and that I am not going to have to come home facing a difficult surgery and a long rehabilitation. What a huge relief. It feels as if a ten ton weight has been lifted from my shoulders this week.

The Panic of 2008?

If you pay attention to history, you will read of occasional times of financial panic when there were runs on banks and difficult economic times resulting from it. You start to hear about these around the time of the industrial revolution and of course, we all know about the Great Depression in the 1030's, perhaps the worst financial meltdown to happen in this country's history. It seems that our country has developed a serious case of collective amnesia, because this year is now being labeled "The Panic of 2008", which began as a result of the subprime mortgage meltdown and in turn led to the collapse of some very large and venerable investment banks, most notably, Bear Stearns, but most recently, Indy Mac. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, mortgage banks which were created by Congress back in the 80's to make housing more affordable for more people, are now in deep trouble and they handle trillions of dollars worth of mortgages, so if they go under, there will be serious hell to pay financially in nearly every sector of the economy. I suspect that the run-up on gas prices can be directly traced to the mortgage meltdown and the creation of an "oil bubble" to replace the money lost by investors in the housing freefall. You can trace all of this back to Reaganomics and the move to deregulate everything and move the economy toward a more "free market" based economy, the thought being that a free market would encourage more competition, which would then, in turn, lower prices. Instead, it has accomplished quite the opposite and has led to the collapse of a number of venerable banks and businesses, sending the economy into a freefall that economists say is not over yet. I wonder how much of all of this mess can be partly attributed to the dilution of the teaching of history into a nebulous subject called "social studies", which includes geography, history and government (all of which we had as separate classes when I was growing up). If you don't know your history, you are doomed to repeat it, and this seems to be exactly what is going on right now. Prices on everything have shot through the roof and we who are on the lower end of the income scale are left scrambling to pay our bills and survive these tough times. In the meantime, Republicans are still touting free markets as a successful program, but they must be living on another planet, because they obviously don't see what's going on around them with numerous foreclosed and abandoned homes, which ravage neighborhoods, people standing on street corners begging for money and jobs and purchases on durable goods grinding to a standstill. In turn, that leads to a shrinking economy when people don't buy and consume things when times are good, and it all ends up in one ferocious downturning cycle that has to somehow be arrested and turned around. Only I have no idea how that's going to get done. Only time will tell whether we can turn this sinking ship around or whether it will sink to the bottom like the Titanic.

THE WORST PRESIDENT. EVER.

If there is one thing that I am assured of, it is that history will not regard this particular President very highly. All you have to do is to look at the portrait of our "beloved leader" to the left to see what kind of contempt he seems to feel for people other than those immediately surrounding him, his "yes" men and women. In fact, I think that I can safely say that this President will most surely go down in history as the worst President we've ever had, and I think that his legacy as the worst ever has already been safely assured. Our economy is in a freefall, we are caught in the midst of a brutal civil war that we caused by this President's illegal invasion of a sovereign nation that did nothing to threaten us, we let the Number One terrorist in the world get away into the almost inaccessible mountains between Afghanistan and Pakistan and so far, no attempts to capture him and bring him to justice have been made and apparently, there are no plans to ever do so, and this President has caused a precipitous decline in world opinion of our country and has, if anything, caused terrorism to fester even more among bitter Arab countries, making us an even unsafer country than before 9/11. This President has also embarrassed our country on the world stage by saying and doing utterly foolish and stupid things with world leaders and looking like a complete doofus in so doing. Every time he speaks, he sounds defensive, like he's trying to convince even himself that he's right about what he's saying, which he isn't anyway. He always has a shifty eyed look on his face that makes it as plain as the nose on my face that he's lying through his teeth, so how can you trust anyone who looks that way when he's speaking in public? So between his voice tone and his facial expressions, he looks like a used car salesman trying to sell a lemon to an unsuspecting consumer. Well, may the unflattering portrait above serve as a reminder that the old adage, "Would you buy a used car from this man?" does ring quite true when it comes to judging character. Just thinking that someone would make a good President based on the perception that he'd make a good backyard beer 'n' barbecue buddy is no judge of what kind of leader they could be like while in the highest office in the land. The eyes are the window into the soul. If someone is shifty eyed while talking and constantly adopts a defensive posture while doing so, steer clear. They're a born liar. You can take that to the bank.

Where I want to be next week

This picture reminds me of the view you get when driving east on US Rte. 33 from I-79 in West Virginia. Scenic vistas are around every bend and can be seen from every hill, and I always feel my pulse quicken when I realize how close I am getting to Elkins, site of the Augusta Heritage Center where I vacation every summer. Only this year, my vacation is in serious doubt due to financial constraints, and the idea of not going sends me into a deep depression. I keep trying to figure out ways to afford it and still stay somewhat afloat financially, but no matter how many times I sit down and budget it out, it just doesn't add up. I can feel my stress level rising when I think of how tight my money's gotten when I know darn well that I haven't been spending it on anything but bills, gas and health care costs. I get so angry when I know darn well that a great deal of the mess we find ourselves in lately in this country is due largely in part to the massive subprime mortgage meltdown. That was caused by a lack of oversight into shaky investment schemes meant to bilk potential home buyers out of their hard earned cash. It makes me sick to think of what the fallout has been throughout the entire financial sector of the economy. That, in turn, has hit us consumers in virtually every aspect of our lives, meaning that there's been no escape from the economic woes that all of this has caused. I can't help but feel depressed every time I listen to the radio or read the newspapers over what has happened this year, and to add to all that, I got an e-mail this morning from my friend Peg Loyd (below) that she's been diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer. Very fortunately for her, she's only in Stage 1, which has an excellent cure rate, so she's more than likely to make a complete and full recovery, but still......the word "cancer" can scare anyone, even though treatments are a lot better now than they used to be even just a few years ago. I met Peg at Augusta and she says in her e-mail that she's still going to be there next week despite her diagnosis, as she begins treatment as soon as she returns home. I would love to be able to see her and give her a big hug and tell her that we, her friends, are there for her. There is a core of us who, over the years, have been coming to Irish Week and have gotten to be like family since we come each year and share our triumphs and sorrows. I want so much to see these people again and be with them and to enjoy their company and sing and play with them for the next week. It lifts my spirit like nothing else I know of, and it fuels my latent creative spirit that seems to hide from me all year except when I go to Elkins. There is a certain magic there that I can tap into that I can't the rest of the year that brings out the most creative aspects of me. So the idea of not being able to go would be almost more than I could bear. I've got to make a decision in the next few days as to whether or not to go down there, as I've got to register in that time frame as well. Irish Week starts on Sunday of next week and time's a-wasting. I've never been good at decision making and now that I am faced with such a difficult decision, quite frankly, I just don't know what to do. My heart says one thing, my head another, and I can't reconcile either one with the other. I want to see Peg and the rest of the gang and spend a week with my annual "Irish Week" family. But I also want to build up my savings enough not to have to worry as much as I have been of late. I want them both, frankly, and if only I could "have my cake and eat it, too", I'd be more than a relaxed and happy camper. But it looks like fate isn't about to let things work my way. And that has me stressed beyond belief.

Vacation granted - now what?

Well, I got the time off that I requested - thank goodness! I feel a definite need to recharge my already low battery, but now what concerns me is being able to afford it, in particular, Augusta. As mentioned in yesterday's blog, I am torn regarding my "economic stimulus" check as to what to do with it: bank it and give myself some desperately needed financial breathing room, or use it to go to Augusta and still find myself in difficult financial straits. I'd love to do both, but at this point, barring winning the lottery, I don't see how I'm going to manage it. I keep trying to figure it all out in my head, but so far, no easy solutions have appeared. Tuition this year for Irish Week is the most expensive of all the Summer workshops, even Week 5, which includes the Augusta Festival. It's always been that Week 5 was the most expensive because of the included cost of the festival, but this year, the price for Irish Week is the highest. Maybe the staff wants higher pay or something, or considers themselves worth more than any other week. I don't know. But tuition this year is $440 and room and board are $347, a nearly $60 increase over last year's prices. That difference is making it very difficult this year for me to afford, and it really upsets me that they've done this, but having gone down to Irish Week for close on 20 years now, I can say that what you get out of such a week is worth its weight in gold. For me, to get the chance to sing with some of the best singers around and hear some of the best musicians in the world in the Irish tradition is such a treat. I just wonder what's behind the rather steep price increase from last year. Whatever the reason, I am sure that it's going to mean a significant drop in attendance from years past. I can almost predict that. Some of the old "Augusta Irish Week Regulars" from years past haven't been coming in recent years and I have noticed a decided drop in attendance the past few years. That may be a part of the rationale behind the steep price increases this year. They probably aren't making as much money as they were in the heyday of the "Riverdance" craze that drove tons of people to study Irish step dancing and record attendances at Irish Week. But then, I rather enjoy a smaller, more intimate crowd anyway. It makes for much more of a familial atmosphere and makes for far more enjoyable sessions at night. Fewer people means higher quality musicians that do actually come, and there is more of a chance to play or sing. So all I can do for now is to hope that somehow, some way, I can still go and not break the bank doing so and still be able to afford my other vacation, Pennsic War. I don't have long to decide what to do, though. Irish Week begins next weekend, Sunday, July 20th.

Financial dilemma

OK, so I have $652 from a debt refund check and my "economic stimulus" check from Uncle Sam. And all spring and summer, I've been so financially tight that I can barely get through a pay period, because I've been forced to split my paychecks between both my savings and checking accounts, which doesn't allow either account to build up much of a cushion, because by the end of 2 weeks, both accounts are nearly cleaned out or at a very low balance. So here's what I am faced with: Either I can split that $652 in half and put $326 in each account and finally create a financial cushion that will allow me to breathe easier and have some money to spare, or I could spend it on going down to the Augusta Heritage Center on vacation, but still be financially struggling, or I could pay off the surgery bill from my recent hand surgery and thereby at least wipe out one debt, but still be financially struggling. I want more than life itself to go down to Augusta, but right now, if I spend that money doing so instead of putting it in the bank and considerably reducing my stress level, then I will be incredibly depressed at the idea of still struggling financially and not being sure if I can make it through each pay period with enough money to pay bills that come up. But right now I desperately need the tonic of being there at Augusta. It emotionally lifts me up like few things that I know of during the year and I could sure use that right now, truth to be told. If I add that surgery bill to my Consumer Credit debt reduction program, then that will add one more debt to that bill and will add to the amount that I will have to pay them each month, but if I bank the money and create a desperately needed savings cushion, that may not be so bad in the long run. I take the bus when I don't have to leave work early for an appointment but lately, I seem to have had a lot of doctor and PT appointments that a require my leaving work early, so I still drive more than I take the bus. Still, that should not last too much longer and if I get to go on vacation, I will probably finish PT this next week and should only have a few other doctor appointments in the coming months. So I am trying to weigh what would be the best option right now. My gut tells me, bank the money and give yourself a financial break, but my heart tells me, no, you really want to go on vacation. So I am torn between head and heart, but my stress level lately has been unbelievable with all these recent financial woes weighing me down and I've been so depressed as to feel like the anti-depressant meds I've been taking since last year don't seem to be working as well anymore. So what should I do? How can I resolve this difficult dilemma? I don't have much time to resolve it because Augusta is the week after next, and I still haven't registered yet because I don't know what to do about this. The longer this dilemma goes on, the worse it gets, because I spend my days worrying about it almost to the exclusion of everything else. I just want to get out of here and not have to think about this anymore and spend time relaxing and enjoying myself, not worrying every minute about how I am going to afford this bill or that. If I bank the money, I will have enough in both accounts to where I can actually put one entire paycheck in each account instead of constantly splitting them and shorting myself out each pay period. It would do wonders for my financial well being, at least for now, barring any other unforeseen large expenses that might come down the pike. It would be so nice not to have to spend my days and nights constantly worrying about money and being able to look forward to a nice vacation as well, but it looks like it's going to have to be one or the other, but not both. And I feel like that's tearing me to pieces inside. Not exactly the way I wanted to spend my summer, on top of massive amounts of stress at work lately that is also wearing me down emotionally. God, how I desperately need a break from all of this!!!!!

BRINGING DOWN HIGH OIL PRICES

Gas has risen a full dollar a gallon in the past year and everyone's quick to blame supply and demand, especially with the recent rise of India and China as major industrial powers (thanks to US outsourcing of our manufacturing base to those countries in search of cheap labor), but I find it impossible to believe that in just a few short months, the supply has grown so short and the demand has grown so great as to drive gas prices so ridiculously high. From doing enough reading, I know for a fact that part of what is driving oil prices through the roof is a combination of a dollar grown so weak against international currencies that it's practically been reduced to a Third World currency, rampant and unchecked speculation on Wall Street on oil futures that has been caused by the bursting of the housing bubble and the tight credit market as a result and the increased saber rattling against Iran coming from the White House that is making investors nervous. Oil, I know, is traded in dollars, and when the dollar is weak, oil prices go up. Speculators are also gobbling up investments in oil futures to recoup their losses in the bursting of the housing bubble and as a hedge against inflation, but unfortunately, there are plenty of loopholes that allow investors to drive prices of certain commodities up through the roof. Some people say that this is good for business, but I can't see how that can be the case. High oil prices are hitting us in virtually every aspect of our lives, because so many things we use and buy are made with petroleum based products. It's also causing world wide economic instability because everyone's feeling the pinch, not just us. So my simplistic solution to this mess would be to find a way to strengthen the dollar by reducing our trade deficit with other countries, close loopholes on commodities speculation and to engage in reasonable dialogue with Iran, its neighbors and the rest of the international community over its nuclear capabilities instead of shunning any chance to engage in some badly needed diplomacy. We also need to disengage ourselves from the Iraqi civil war and find some way to negotiate a just and lasting peace among all of the various warring factions and allow that country to return to peace, safety and security, within itself and with its neighbors. I know - tall order. But it's my thought that this is exactly what the incoming President, whoever he may be, must do in order to bring about some of the changes we are all clammering for. While I am no student of international relations or economics (and I know that there are probably a lot more complicated issues at stake in all of this that I am not giving consideration to), still, sometimes it seems like the simplest solutions to things are the ones that are right before our eyes and that we refuse to see because we always want to complicate things a lot more than they need to be. Well, whatever happens in the coming year, I hope that for everyone's sake that gas prices don't continue their meteoric rise, and if they do, that this country throws its entire resources into research and development of more fuel efficient transportation as well as clean, green, renewable energy sources that don't cost a bundle to produce or use. We can't wait any longer. It's now or never.

Can you say, frazzled?

Normally, most of us think of summer as a relaxing time to kick back and chill out, but this summer is anything but that. In recent years, staff vacancies from extended medical leaves have strained our staff at work to near breaking point, and this summer is no exception. It's getting to be a rarer thing to have a nice easy summer at work, and by the time it's all over, none of us is ready for the onslaught of the school year and all of its attendant demands on our time and energy. This summer finds our staff short due to a co-worker who had a hip replacement in May and whose recovery is apparently going a lot slower than anyone expected. It's now been six weeks since her surgery and by all accounts, she's still barely able to walk and still requires the use of a walker except for when she's puttering around her house. My mom had a hip replacement last year and recovered surprisingly quickly and my co-worker is a full 20 years younger than my mom! But my co-worker did put off surgery for an awfully long time and by the time she went out on medical leave, she could barely walk. So it could be that she'll be out on a rather lengthy leave and may not be able to return to work until sometime in the fall. And my boss refuses to hire a substitute staff person to fill her place because he thinks that by so doing, he's saving the library a ton of money, but other departments fill temporary vacancies with subs when they need them, so I don't know why my boss is so averse to hiring someone to fill in and take the burden off of an already overstressed and frazzled staff. Most of us are beyond tired and need a break and my fear is that my vacation this summer will be rescinded like it was this spring due to staffing shortages. I haven't had any significant time off since December and I am genuinely in serious need of down time right now. I have had a rough year as it is with all of my medical concerns and with all of the staffing issues we've had at work and I really, really need a break. But given that my spring vacation was rescinded, I wouldn't be at all surprised if I won't be allowed to get away this summer. I've been fairly depressed of late and that would really send me over the edge if I couldn't get away on vacation when I feel like I am near breaking point. Vacations are a must for mental health's sake and I feel a real need to get away and forget about things for a bit and to refresh myself so that I can face what will surely be a difficult autumn, especially if my co-worker is still out of commission and cannot return to work anytime soon, which it's looking more and more like what is going to be the case. I just don't understand why my boss won't hire a temp to fill her place. It sure would take the burden off of a tired, frazzled staff. Not to mention, it would also probably help someone who wouldn't mind a few weeks or months of some extra work, especially in these tough financial times. And it might just allow people to take their normally scheduled vacations, which would do a lot for staff morale, which is pretty low right now. When you're the boss, you can't just think of yourself, you have to consider the needs of your staff. Patting yourself on the back for saving your employer money is one thing; taking into consideration the needs of those who work for you is quite another. I know where my priorities would lie if I were the boss. But then, this is just my way of thinking. Employees first. Company second. You can't run a good company without good staff morale.

SURGERY?

I went to see my orthopaedic surgeon yesterday about my injured Achilles tendon and the news wasn't good. I may need surgery on it, but first, I will need an MRI next Monday and then I have to go to another orthopaedic surgeon to find out if I will have to have it or whether I should just continue wearing the air cast for a while longer. But before I can even have an MRI, I need to have my orthopaedic surgeon's office call my insurance company just to get the whole procedure approved. Insurance companies playing doctor - BAH! That's exactly what is wrong with things in this country where health care is concerned. So needless to say, on account of my co-worker's recent hip surgery, everything would have to be on hold until she is either declared fit to return to duty or has to take a medical retirement. So even if this Dr. Bennett I am seeing says that surgery is a must, I will have to delay it until I know what my co-worker's situation is, and that could be months down the road from now. I'm willing to stay in the air cast as long as need be, even if it means a few more months, but my co-worker's situation has thrown a real monkey wrench into things. I will have to wait for her situation to be resolved before I can do anything at all to act on my situation. In the meantime, I am consigned to heavy lifting every day which cannot be good for my health. I probably ought not to be doing such things given that I not too long ago had a nasty case of tennis elbow that was the result of too much heavy lifting at work. And I am not eager to have another case as it's downright painful and I have had more than my share of physical pain this year as it is. I just don't know what to do about all of this stuff and it's stressing me out big time trying to figure out what to do or how to deal with all of this where work is concerned. I don't want to cause any more problems as it is and I may just tell the surgeon next week that our workplace just can't afford one more long term staff vacancy this year since my boss refuses to hire subs when employees go out on lengthy medical leaves. I don't want to go out on a long leave and anger my boss and fellow employees, quite frankly. People can get mighty pissy when someone goes out for a long stretch and they get stuck doing extra work. No one likes it and everyone ends up being rather testy after a spell. I just don't want to cope with people acting like I'm somehow inconveniencing them by having to go on any kind of medical leave, so if the doctor says that I need surgery, well......I may just say, not for now. Let things at work settle down a bit for a while before I go and throw a monkey wrench into things. I want to do this surgery before the year is out if it's absolutely necessary because I've met my medical insurance deductible this year, but I can't get any more physical therapy until next year because I am just about out of my yearly allotted sessions, so.....I may just wait until the week after Christmas to do this so that with the coming of the new year, I can get rehab on the ankle since I'll have my 30 yearly allowed sessions back by then. BAH! Medical insurance SUCKS! When, oh, when will we have universal single payer health care at last like the rest of the civilized world?????

Dreary day, dreary mood

Ever have one of those days where you just want to out and slug someone? I've had one of those two weeks lately, and there doesn't appear to be any relief in sight. Seems the boss has switched my job to where all I will be doing from now on is heavy lifting of crates every single day, instead of the variety that I have enjoyed at my job of late. It's all because someone accused me of doing something I did not do, and unfortunately, he believed the complainant instead of me, and as a result, I am being punished for something that I am not guilty of. It has me pretty incensed and unfortunately, I am cursed with a very bad temper and once aroused, it's very tough for me to let go of anger. I don't know why this sudden reversal of what has been a fairly pleasant work experience of late, but sometimes I think that my boss gets rattled by complaints and rather than deal with it, he sticks it to the person who has been complained about, whether or not that person really deserved it. In my experience, he doesn't really deal well with stress and makes very poor decisions when he feels put upon, and I know for a fact that complaints from co-workers rattle him a great deal and make him do stupid things. I don't know how to tactfully confront him about this issue and let him know that this change in my job does not please me and it also risks subjecting me to further injury, as if I haven't spent enough money in the past two years visiting my physical therapist for rehab of a long list of injuries. Of course, I could always claim Workman's Comp if I get hurt on the job and really stick it to the library, and if that happens, I won't hesitate for a minute to do just that. After all, the library pays into it and that is what it is there for. So if they want me off work due to injuries, they've just taken the first step in ensuring that. I suppose, therefore, that I can be excused my foul mood. I am, after all, 51 years old, not 21, and while I have been working out for a while, the very real fact is that for two years now, I've shouldered my share of injuries, some of which could be indirectly attributed to my job and I should have claimed Workman's Comp, particularly for the tennis elbow I had a few years ago that was directly caused by too much lifting of heavy objects at work. I wish I'd claimed it then but if it comes back, and I have felt alarming twinges in that same elbow of late, then I will claim Workmans' Comp and hope that if I have used up my yearly allotment of PT sessions, that I can still go to them and have them paid for by them and not my insurance. So, Danger, Will Robinson, this middle aged peri-menopausal chick is in a foul mood and is not to be trifled with! Just to give fair warning to y'all.

I AM CALM NOW.......

OK, I've calmed down in the few hours since I wrote the above post. Part of what had me pissed was the fact that my boss was sort of brushing me off this afternoon when I wanted to bring a few things to his attention that he needed to know about. All I could figure was that he was mad at me or something because I was in a bad mood all day while he was out on one of our vehicles and I was afraid that someone in the office reported my mood to him or something stupid like that. So I called his office from my cell phone while riding the bus home and got just his voice mail and left a message there. Then I decided to call him when I got home and when I got him on the phone, he apologized for his rather brusque mood this afternoon. He said that he'd just gotten in the door from being out on the road, and found too many important e-mails in his inbox that he didn't have time to address, one in particular from HR about an upcoming position study that he just didn't feel like dealing with at the end of a long, tiring workday. So he was very apologetic and didn't want me to spend an entire holiday weekend worrying about him being mad at me, so he told me everything's fine, don't worry. That took the edge off of my anger at him and now I feel like everything's, as he jokingly calls it "copascetic". I'm so glad I called him and had a chance to make sure that we're still cool at work and that everything's fine and not to worry about a thing. I'm still a little miffed at being assigned the work that I am, but maybe next week when he's in a better mood, I can ask him what's up with that and see if I can talk him into changing things back to the way they were. I know we're short handed at the moment and everyone's stressed about that, and that's part of what had him in a bit of a snit this afternoon. He admitted that everyone's upset about things and that maybe during our next staff meeting, we can iron a few issues out to where everyone won't be so overwrought about things. This would make me feel better, too. So our conversation set my mind at ease and I took the time to write him a thank you e-mail telling him that I appreciated the chance to talk to him and be reassured that everything's OK at work. Phew! What a relief!