February Funk

I'm deep into my annual February funk. I don't know what it is about this time of year that plunges me into such dark moods, but it happens nonetheless. Little things that would normally not bother me too much weigh on me far heavier than usual. Frustrations that I can keep at bay rear their ugly heads and seem like insurmountable problems. The joy I normally find in things gets harder to find. Everything negative gets magnified many times and it sometimes gets to where all I want to do is to curl up and sleep the rest of the winter off until spring comes. I become lethargic to where normal tasks that I need to do feel too big to accomplish because I just lack the energy to get them done, and so they don't, leading to even more frustration because there are things that need to be done that I just can't seem to find the energy or the willpower to do. Quite simply put, I absolutely hate this time of year when it's so dreary. By all standards, we're having a relatively mild winter, thank goodness, but this has been and continues to be my least favorite time of year. Part of what has aggravated this in recent years is the fact that I cannot find a pair of boots on to which an inch and a half lift can be built. Oh, I could have a custom pair made, but it would cost me between $500 and $1000 for such a luxury, hardly something I could afford to own. I'd just about have to buy insurance just for them alone if I ever got such an expensive item like that. But since I can't afford such a thing, I'm stuck having to wear a pair of galoshes that fit over my shoes that are not made for winter wear and have little if any real traction to speak of. And they're not good for keeping my feet warm for any length of time outdoors. But for now, that's all I have available and I'm about ready to say, the hell with it, I'll spend the big bucks to have custom boots made if it means that my feet will stay warm and I'll have some real traction to speak of so I don't continue to fall over and over again. At my age, falls can be dangerous because things break and get hurt that didn't when I was far younger. I'm much more susceptible to serious injury now that I'm in the over-50 set. And once I hit menopause, falls will be even more dangerous because of decline in bone density, so that's something I'm becoming more aware of as I age. All of this weighs on me as I grow older and weather Northeast Ohio winters and the inevitable falls I experience each year as a result. Well, the fact is, I'm tired of falling and risking injury, so my greatest wish now is for a good pair of warm winter boots with a one and a half inch lift on the left one. If anybody knows of a good cobbler who can fill such an order at a price I can afford (since my insurance regards such things as medically unnecessary and will not pay for my lifts), please let me know.

OUR CHURCH LIBRARY
Last year, our minister at the UU Church asked me if I would be willing to take on the task of chairing a committee to create a library for our church, since I work in a library for my day job. I agreed to do this and we now have what amounts to a bare bones but functional library. The problem is that it's located in what for years has been known as the "Ready Room", a small room off of the sanctuary typically used to prepare for services. It's still pretty much used for this purpose and as a result, frequently gets cluttered with people's stuff who are involved in the worship service. It's also used to move furniture on and off the raised dais where the pulpit stands, like chairs, the pulpit itself and other worship paraphenalia. As a result, it makes the library partially inaccessible between and after services and people don't seem to know that this room is being used also as a library for their use as well as the service "Ready Room". Had I my way, I would have had the library in what is now the nursery and moved that upstairs to what I have been told is a "performing arts" room, but is rarely, if ever, used during services for the children's religious education studies that go on up on the third floor. The "peforming arts" room is huge and spacious and would make for an ideal library, but it's not handicapped accessible like the sanctuary level of the church is, so we have to keep it on that level. Frankly, I'm eyeballing the nursery and thinking that we ought to talk to someone about letting us have that and moving the nursery someplace else. Granted, space is at a real premium in our tiny Civil War era church, and that is ever a source of frustration for everyone. It severely limits our growth potential but I don't want to have to move out of our historic home. If only we could have a wealthy beneficiary who would leave us a sizeable endowment. That would solve so many of the problems we are facing as we grow as a congregation and we grow in our needs. Right now, I'm frankly frustrated by our library situation enough to have resigned as the committee chair. I'm still on the committee but I gave it over to someone who both has more time for it and is better able to deal with the issues we're facing. But for now, we're stuck sharing our space with an amazing amount of clutter, and that's turning into a real sore spot for me. I just wish there was something we could do to alleviate that problem immediately, but that's just not in the cards right now, unfortunately.