Two steps forward, one step back

I've been pretty depressed all week about a number of things, but mostly it has involved a feeling as if my life is a constant series of two steps forward, one step back and very little progress made in between. Frankly, I don't know how to get around all of this and feel better about where I am right now in my life. Work isn't going well, my finances are constantly tight, the weather has been inordinately bad and for the third time in six months, the car has had to go in for repairs, costing me money I don't have at the moment, and it's going to need some more work as well and I'm just not flush with cash right now as it is. Add to that yet another knee injury that has been pestering me for a number of weeks, requiring yet another trip to PT and the need to adjust my workout regimen to account for it and....I just can't get out of this funk I'm in right now. I know part of it is the knowledge that the economy is affecting just about every aspect of my life right now as well and it's not likely to change anytime soon. Everything right now just feels like it's one setback after another with no end in sight and no light at the end of the tunnel at which to aim. If there is one, I can't see it right now. It's just one thing after another that feels as if everything has become one big insurmountable struggle. Living alone and trying to support oneself in this tough economy when the money doesn't last long enough to get through the month and there's no one to help me get through this is so depressing. Struggling to figure out how to work around the changes at work is also tough because I can't really say anything to anyone about how I'm unhappy about some of the things going on in the office because there's an atmosphere of distrust lately that makes it hard to know who, if anyone, you can talk to. That makes me feel terribly isolated and miserable that not only do I have no one to vent to at work, but living alone as I do, there's no one to vent to when I get home from work, either. So I end up keeping this all bottled up inside of me and it's just driving me crazy.

TRUST IS EVERYTHING
Trust is something I've spent my entire life struggling to deal with. I'm not the most trusting person anymore like I once was and it's tough going through life forced to feel a general lack of trust for other people. It's so easy to be gullible and to fall for someone's apparent good will only to have them turn on you behind your back, and that's something that I find hard to cope with, the idea that someone will smile in your face and be perfectly nice but then turn on you and stick a knife in your back. In the workplace, it's especially important to be able to build relationships of trust and respect, but I guess that's just a pipe dream in most workplaces, ours included. I found out that we're being encouraged to "narc" on our co-workers about work related issues, and I refuse to lower myself to that level, but whether I'm in the minority is anybody's guess. I mean, it's easy to curry favor with your boss if you know that narking on people will give you some kind of upper hand over someone else. And there are plenty of people who seem to feel that they will gain plum assignments by doing this. I, on the other hand, consistently end up with the worst assignments that no one else wants, the refuse of the departmental assignments, so to speak, and I'm getting tired of getting all the crappy stuff that, were it assigned to anyone else, they'd whine and moan about it until they got out of it. But I've developed a repuation as not being a complainer, so I end up with the tail end of the stick and the worst job assignments in the entire department, and I'm beginning to take insult that I'm being given the "leftovers" instead of the main course, so to speak. I'm the most senior member of my department and to insult me by giving me the worst job duties makes me think that perhaps I'm not well thought of enough to take advantage of what I have to offer. We're told that our job assignments are based on best utilizing our talents, but when you receive the "leftover" stuff that no one else wants, how am I supposed to take that? And how am I supposed to trust anyone and feel a sense of inclusiveness when not only am I given such low-on-the-totem-pole assignments, but I know that people are being encouraged to narc on each other? Have people been saying bad things about me lately or something? I just wish I knew. I wish we could have a fully inclusive, trusting and respectful environment at work, but knowing that people are watching you and report anything you do or say to higher ups doesn't exactly encourage me to feel as if I am working in a particularly good environment. It's just going to increase the feelings of isolation that I have been feeling for quite a few years now and that has made my job an increasingly hard one to go to day in, day out. All I can say is, I'm counting down the years toward retirement. T-minus four and a half years and counting.......it just can't come soon enough for me.