I don't know why, but for as long as I could remember, I have ended up feeling like the world's doormat. People take advantage of me, walk all over me and make me feel like the proverbial doormat. I still struggle with self esteem and end up allowing other people to dictate how I feel about myself. When people mistreat me, I feel awful and depressed and miserable. And yet I seem to allow it to happen over and over again and I wish I knew why I wasn't one of those more aggressive people who could just stand up to people and tell them I wasn't going to take that anymore. I guess I always think that if I do, I'm going to get in trouble or something. I'm far too easily intimidated, especially at work, where I feel like if I stand up for myself, I am going to be hustled off to HR and written up for some sort of disciplinary action. I don't know how to tell people that, look, I have value, I matter, and I will NOT be the world's doormat. I will not allow people to belittle me or treat me like I am less than equal to everyone else. And yet I seem to allow this to happen over and over again and then I end up miserable and depressed and wondering what I did wrong and how to fix it all. I guess I have got to learn both some self esteem and self defense mechanisms. I need to let people know that I will not take being reduced to an afterthought or an apostrophe or whatever, which is how I have begun to feel of late. I've always been the person who was left out of things and still find myself feeling that way, excluded from things for reasons that I cannot understand, and no one will tell me why, either. I shower every other day, I wear clean clothes - OK, so my hair is grey and I wear trifocals and maybe it's because I have begun to look my age or something. Maybe I should color my hair and dress younger and get contacts or something. I don't know. I just know that I am feeling sort of excluded from everything of late and I'm tired of feeling that way. Bad enough that back in my school days I was always the last person chosen for teams in gym class. That this pattern has persisted in my adulthood is pretty rankling and I wish I knew how to resolve the problem and make myself seem more desirable or something. I don't know. It's all such a great mystery to me......I just need to let the world know that I am not a doormat! And then be sure that they get the message loud and clear and then start standing up for myself in such a way that I don't put people off or some such thing.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Why do I let people walk all over me?
I don't know why, but for as long as I could remember, I have ended up feeling like the world's doormat. People take advantage of me, walk all over me and make me feel like the proverbial doormat. I still struggle with self esteem and end up allowing other people to dictate how I feel about myself. When people mistreat me, I feel awful and depressed and miserable. And yet I seem to allow it to happen over and over again and I wish I knew why I wasn't one of those more aggressive people who could just stand up to people and tell them I wasn't going to take that anymore. I guess I always think that if I do, I'm going to get in trouble or something. I'm far too easily intimidated, especially at work, where I feel like if I stand up for myself, I am going to be hustled off to HR and written up for some sort of disciplinary action. I don't know how to tell people that, look, I have value, I matter, and I will NOT be the world's doormat. I will not allow people to belittle me or treat me like I am less than equal to everyone else. And yet I seem to allow this to happen over and over again and then I end up miserable and depressed and wondering what I did wrong and how to fix it all. I guess I have got to learn both some self esteem and self defense mechanisms. I need to let people know that I will not take being reduced to an afterthought or an apostrophe or whatever, which is how I have begun to feel of late. I've always been the person who was left out of things and still find myself feeling that way, excluded from things for reasons that I cannot understand, and no one will tell me why, either. I shower every other day, I wear clean clothes - OK, so my hair is grey and I wear trifocals and maybe it's because I have begun to look my age or something. Maybe I should color my hair and dress younger and get contacts or something. I don't know. I just know that I am feeling sort of excluded from everything of late and I'm tired of feeling that way. Bad enough that back in my school days I was always the last person chosen for teams in gym class. That this pattern has persisted in my adulthood is pretty rankling and I wish I knew how to resolve the problem and make myself seem more desirable or something. I don't know. It's all such a great mystery to me......I just need to let the world know that I am not a doormat! And then be sure that they get the message loud and clear and then start standing up for myself in such a way that I don't put people off or some such thing.
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2 comments:
Sally, I like you more the more I read. Honey, you don't have to have esteem just learn to be RUDE AND LOUD. Hee Hee Hee
Anyway, I have enough esteem for both of us. (Totally undeserved but then I'm a GUY)
You write beautifully and, from your photo, look good as well. I like your thoughts and encourage you to be fair to yorself.
Hey Sally, Girl i totally understand where you are coming from. I just turned 58 in April and you would think that at my age i would have enough B--ls to not allow people/family/husband/and children to use me as a door mat. i walk around on a daily basis thinkin im the one who is wrong in my thinkin. i feel guilty all the time for even thinkin about speakin up. Whats worse is my husband is a recovering alcoholic of 23 yrs and AA teaches alcoholics to be selfish and think about themselves so they dont drink. But they often do forget to do this with humility, and wthout hurting others. He will speak his mind/do what needs to be done all the while forgetting i am here. No validation at all. Dosnt matter. So honey im with you. My thoughts and love and prayers are with you and i both as we trudge through this learning process. Time to try and put on our big girl panties i guess!!! thanks Vickie in Mich
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